OMG It’s Bacon Baby!!!

June 12, 2009 12:01 am Published by 1 Comment

Following up on Mike’s earlier story of babies and bacon, we bring you this tall tale of tasty triumph. The names of the people involved have been changed to protect the bacon.


Billy was a baby born under a bad sign, or so they said. His track record was marked from top to bottom with a red pen and he was only 10 months old. He’d already figured out how to pick the locks on the cupboards, lift the lid and fling toilet water across the bathroom floor, and loosen the screws on his parents’ bed frame just enough to cause them several squeaky nights of sleeplessness.

Now, he was eyeing the ultimate prize, that fridge-kept bacon he’d smelled for so many months through the bars on his crib. Billy could hear Mom waking up early on Sunday mornings, clanking around the kitchen, putting the pan on the stove and digging through the utensil drawer for the spatula. He kept quiet in his tiny bed. Billy knew Mom had the baby monitor on him and if he made so much as a peep she’d be in his room so fast he wouldn’t have time to pretend as if he was sleeping.

Billy stood at the edge of the crib grasping the side bars tightly as he listened to the clamor in the kitchen. He knew what was next. He waited with baited breath as the banging led to the sound of the refrigerator door popping open, the crinkling of plastic, the slicing of the packaging, until he heard the greatest sound this great-big world can produce…SIZZLE!!!

Oh that sizzle, those greasy pops, and then…a few moments later when he wasn’t even sure he could contain himself a moment longer it entered his room dancing slowly across the cool Sunday morning breeze — the smell of BACON.

Although he was still eating mashed peas and carrot puree now and then, Mom had let him eat solid foods for quite some time and Billy knew that one day he’d graduate to the good stuff. That smell of Sunday morning bacon was legendary, and Billy knew that one day he would be free of the confines of his crib and run to the table when the fragrance of bacon wafted his way. For the time being, his plan was simple — sit back, keep quiet, and wait patiently for that sweet smelling Sunday sizzle.

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