Not that we want to get into some profound, economic-egghead lecture… (heck, like we could really do that anyway)… But, let’s face it. This is a serious issue no one can ignore.
In a snapshot, here’s a big piece of the problem:
Since 1971, the U.S. dollar has been the “world’s reserve currency,” backed by our government’s good name (wink, wink) rather than something solid like gold. As a result, we can print money whenever we feel like it, because it isn’t really “worth” anything.
Now that it looks like this idea isn’t working out too well, the aforementioned eggheads are pitching for a return to the “gold standard.”
Sounds great. But when we got the eggheads together with the baconheads, and the high-level, book-smart intelligence was tempered by some common sense, a better idea emerged.
Why not back the U.S. dollar with bacon?
That’s a rhetorical question, of course… If there was an answer, it would be “Duh.”
Here are 10 reasons why the U.S. monetary system should go to a Bacon Standard:
1. You can’t eat gold.
2. Bacon is a renewable resource. So, we can continue printing money whenever we feel like it, as long as we simultaneously kick hog breeding into overdrive.
3. Bacon is not $2,000 an ounce (though, we could all make a case for that).
4. Having “fat in the budget” would actually be a good thing.
5. A “bacon standard” would be much easier for mortal humans to wrap their heads around. Why limit our understanding of money to economists?
6. Government monetary decisions regarding currency based on bacon would not be gridlocked by differences in political ideology. You ask anyone from Main Street to occupied Wall Street and the answer will be consistent: “More bacon? Yes, please.”
7. “Pork spending” in Washington would no longer have a negative connotation.
8. Bacon comes way before gold on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Think about it. You’re stranded somewhere far from home, where civilization itself is nowhere to be found. What has more value, a chunk of gold, or food?
9. Donuts, burgers, cocktails, you name it. You don’t see any fun, exotic recipes go viral because someone is spicing these foods up with precious metals.
10. The phrase “Worth its weight in bacon,” makes just as much sense.
Now, if we could just get a seat at the table next to the Federal Reserve Chairman.
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