January 28, 2009 12:01 am Published by 10 Comments

It’s really as simple as it sounds – the Bactionary™ is the dictionary for all things bacon.

As always, we welcome any suggestions you might have for new bacon words, terms or phrases. Just send the word, pronunciation and definition to

Now, without further ado, we present the Bactionary – second edition.

The Official Bacon Today Bactionary – Second Edition

back bacon (noun) – Prepared from brined, center-cut pork loin. (Wikipedia) See also, Irish bacon, Canadian bacon.

baclical (adj.) – When conversations or occurrences seem to revolve around bacon, they are baclical. Think cyclical, but with bacon.

baco (noun) – ba-co [bah-koh] – Success embodied and carved into a convenient hand-sized package of glory. – See, it’s not “bake-o”, it is “bah-koh”, got it? You know, like a taco. A taco BUT WITH A BACON SHELL! Here is a rhyme you may use to help you with this pronounciation: “Crumble crumble little taco, don’t you wish you were a baco?” Also you may use this classic: “One, two, buckle my taco/ three, four, give me a baco.”

bacompose (verb) – To write songs, music or parodies about bacon.

Bacomposer (noun) – One who writes songs, music or parodies about bacon or inspired by bacon. Jenny Winalski and Kristen Wall are wonderful Bacomposers who write musical parodies about bacon. Also -ed, -ing.

bacon (noun) – Delicious. Sweet. Written about daily on

bacon jerky (noun) – Dehydrated & treated bacon requiring no refrigeration. Take it with you on the road.

bacon test (bacon TEST) (noun) – A test to determine how much one likes bacon. Do you love bacon? Yes? Good. No? Ask again.

Baconista (noun) – One who both prepares and serves you bacon.

Baconite (noun) – A devoted fan of bacon, specifically one who reads, a website that features daily updates on the world of sweet, sweet bacon.

Baconographer (noun) – One who writes about bacon and bacon related events.

bacontest (baCONtest) (noun) – A contest that involves or rewards contestants with bacon or bacon-related products.

Bacontrepeneur (noun) – A person who starts a business based on the preparation, distribution, sale or propagation of bacon and bacon-related products and other content. Justin & Dave, the Bacon Salt guys, are prime examples of bacontrepreneurs.

bacony (adj) – Of or relating to bacon.

bactastic (adj) – Amazingly wonderful, utterly fantastic bacon foods or experiences with bacon.

bactionary (noun) – The original dictionary of bacon from

Bactober (noun) – The 13th month of the year that should be recognized. (By the United Nations, if possible.)

bakini (noun) – Women’s swimwear made entirely of bacon.

belly bacon (noun) – Marbled, streaky or “American” bacon, which is made from the meat of a pig’s belly. See also: bacon.

Canadian bacon (noun) – See “back bacon”.

Enbaclopedia (noun) – A website or collection of books with articles that explore all aspects of all things bacon.

Irish bacon (noun) – See ‘back bacon’.

pre-bacon (noun) – A pig in its living & breathing state. If it will one day be bacon, then it’s pre-bacon today.

SmasteTM (noun) – A proprietary Bacon Today rating system that represents a combination of smell and taste. This rating system is as arbitrary as it is inaccurate. The scale has a theoretical maximum of, oh, let’s call it 47. Bacon itself only factors in at a maximum SmasteTM rating of 36.2174 when cooked to perfection. SmasteTM is determined by the following made up formula, painstakingly developed by Mike Kirsch of Bacon Today: (([smell factor]+[taste factor])*uniqueness)/([strange factor]+[gross quotient])

SmastinessTM (noun) – The quality of SmasteTM contained in a food.

SmasteulatorTM (noun) – A device that calculates the SmasteTM rating of a food.

SmasteyTM (adj) – Used to describe the amount of SmasteTM contained in a food. Those bacon cinnamon rolls were very SmasteyTM. Those bacon lemon bars were not very SmasteyTM at all.

Thanksbacon (noun) – In America, Thanksbacon occurs any time bacon is made available or consumed during any meal eaten on the fourth Thursday of November. To wish someone “Happy Thanksbacon” is to impart a general sense of well-wishing that they may encounter bacon during Thanksgiving. Term first used by Bill Corbett of the Rifftrax Blog on November 24th, 2008.

Turbaconducken (noun) – A chicken wrapped in bacon stuffed in a duck wrapped in bacon stuffed in a turkey wrapped in bacon. First prepared by Corey James of Bacon Today.

turkey bacon (noun) – Turkey that’s cut, seasoned and prepared in such as way as to pretend to be bacon, but is not actually bacon.

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  • Lars Vargas says:

    What about “baiku” (pronounced like haiku)? Any Japanese-inspired poems about bacon with 5, 7, and 5 syllables in each of their 3 lines, repsectively.

    And then there’s baconteur (pronounced like raconteur): One who tells stories about bacon.

  • kyle says:

    bacontini noun
    a bacon infused and/or garnished martini, also called bacotini
    best ordered “bacon ,not stirred
    see also bacosmopolitan and smastey mary

  • Eric says:

    baconfinity – as much bacon as you can imagine, and then some more

  • John says:

    Baconpreneur (pronounced like entrepreneur but with bacon)

    One who makes vast amounts of money from selling bacon.

  • crotchlemur says:

    facon bits — those tempting, yet blasphemous little imposters sprinkled on salads to entice us to eat greens but that are in fact, NOT BACON!

  • mnbacon says:

    Can we just leave turkey “bacon” out of this. They really are not fooling anybody by calling it “bacon”. If it don’t come from the pig than it ain’t bacon.

  • Phil says:

    Facon–(noun) Any product that is not pork that is impersonating bacon.

  • Bret Leduc says:

    Hello from Bend, Oregon. I am creating a Bacon Taste Test Meetup. I found your site when I googled, “What do you call people who love bacon”. So I am going to call the Meetup members “Baconites” thanks to your site. 🙂

  • Buffer says:

    Baconiac—one who loves bacon!

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