3.6 Million British Pounds of Bacon

October 20, 2008 12:01 am Published by 4 Comments

Bacon Today is a global site with readers all over the world. Thousands of visitors have come from England alone. According to the feedback we’ve received, readers from St. Helier to Bucksburn have read our articles and have spoken far and wide of their love for bacon.

It’s commonplace at this point for us to receive any number of letters from bacon fans every day. One particular letter, however, caught my eye. I recently received an email informing me that I am the designated recipient of a large inheritance from a British relative I did not know I had.

Here’s the meat of that email, exactly as received…

********

THIS IS FOR YOUR ATTENTION.

We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary to the total sum of (Three Million Six Hundred Thousand British Pounds) in the codicil and last testament of the deceased. (Name now withheld since this is our second letter to you). We contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore can present you as the beneficiary to the inheritance.

We therefore reckoned that you could receive these funds as you are qualified by your name identity. All the legal papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward to us your letter of acceptance; your current telephone and fax numbers and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary documents at our high court probate division for the release of this sum of money.

Please contact me via my private email: so that we can get this done immediately.

Please send the details and call me to discuss more.

Yours Faithfully,

Harry Gow.

********

So much faith lost in humanity, so little time.

Okay, first of all, I feel really bad that my relative, who I have never met and who, apparently, lived in the UK, was unfortunate enough to have Mr. Harry Gow as his or her attorney in his or her final days. Seriously – the guy is from ENGLAND and can’t even seem to form a complete sentence in ENGLISH! I remember getting a similar letter after one of my estranged Nigerian prince cousins passed away some time ago, but in that case I was a bit more lenient with my criticism of their sentence structure – they were from Nigeria, after all. But from England?!?! I just won’t tolerate such language butchery from the Queen’s country.

Besides, if you’re going to try to scam me out of my money, don’t offer me 3.6 million British pounds – offer me 3.6 million British pounds OF BACON!

Let’s do the math… £3.6 million British pounds = $6,263,460 American dollars (as of 10/14/08, or as of 14/10/08 if you’re reading this in the UK). Now if we assume the price of bacon to be $3.49/lb (£4.41/kg) then 6.2 million American dollars = 1,794,687 pounds of bacon.

So let’s tie it all back together. My inheritance from the British relative I have never met (and now never will) would be worth nearly 1.8 million pounds of bacon!!! That’s roughly 814,000 kg of bacon!!!! That’s 128,191 stones of bacon!!!

That’s a LOT of bacon.

But it’s still an email scam, so frankly, I’m torn.

Should I reply to Harry Gow?

What should I say?

— Mike

P.S. – If, by chance, I have any other British relatives, please reach out and talk to me before you die, so that we can get to know each other. I like England. And Wales. And all those other Kingdoms that are so strongly United. If I had a relative there it would give me an excuse to travel more. So speak up already!

Photo credit:
http://flickr.com/photos/minchki/2811335149/

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This post was written by bacontodayadmin

4 Comments

  • DocChuck says:

    That’s a whole bunch of bacon, no doubt.

    And if I had been lucky enough to have your “surname identity”, I would most certainly rush Harry Gow all the information he (or she, or it) needs, i.e., my bank account numbers, my SS number, my PIN numbers, my wife’s thong size, and a check for whatever amount he needs to finish processing the paperwork.

    You are so lucky, and just like normal . . . I lost out again!

    Damn, what I could do with all that bacon ;>)

    P.S. Loved the post!

  • Mom says:

    And you could ask him to share some of the pounds – bacon or otherwise – with your mother – unless the unknown relative is from your father’s side, in which case you could share it with your father.

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