Hello, culture lovers. Please cease the rattling of your programs, and if you’d like to enjoy a cough drop or lozenge, why not unwrap it now?

Thank you. We draw our attention today to Christopher Durang’s The Marriage of Bette and Boo. American playwright Durang is the author of many popular plays, but Marriage is considered by many his finest work. Loosely biographical about the playwright’s parents and presented in 33 scenes that are variously comedic and dramatic, the 1985 play won a number of Obie awards and garnered critical praise such as this quote from the New Yorker: “Christopher Durang, the humorist and satirist, has rarely written anything funnier or more serious than his mordant comedy The Marriage of Bette and Boo.”

And why does this cross the threshold of our bacon consciousness? Because of the Act 2 monologue in which Father Donnally impersonates bacon frying in a pan. Below, find an excerpt from the script, and a YouTube clip capturing this crowd-pleasing moment:

Thank you. Please file out quietly.

This past weekend I finally got around to seeing “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.” It was just as good as everyone said it was! And when I say “everyone” I mean “the surprisingly small number of people who saw it.” And guess what? When Scott has hit his lowest ebb and he needs a good kick in the rear to get him started, his reliable gay roommate Kieran Culkan serves him up a tasty looking plate of bacon. I always knew I liked that family! It had been a while since I’d seen bacon on the big screen and it made me wonder what my prospects are for finding bacon on the small screen at home. Here, for your eating pleasure:

Top 10 Bacon-related videos on YouTube

1) How it’s Made

There are two things you don’t want to know what goes into them: politics and sausage. But this is bacon, so it’s probably okay. View this instructive video (in the style of Mr. Rogers’s “Picture-picture” exposés) and you’ll learn the true meaning of liquid smoke and pork rinds.

2) Jim Gaffigan on Bacon

Gaffigan is the sine qua non of bacon comics. Though he became known for his Hot Pocket comedy, his bacon jokes are worthy of the ultimate breakfast treat. The Friars Club isn’t likely to roast bacon any time soon (everyone knows it’s supposed to be fried) so this is as good as we’re liable to get.

3) Mom throws out the bacon

This clip from “Wife Swap” featured a very well-spoken and agitated young man who, quite understandably, rebels when his new reality-TV mom throws his bacon away. This internet meme has over 3 million views and has spawned various remixes and tributes, but like bacon, is best in its pure, unadulterated form.

4) Bacon rocket

These innovative Brits attempt to be the first to launch bacon into space. The results are more hilarious than tasty, but what really makes this video worthy of the top 10 list is the “Bacon and rocketry, a perfect harmony” song, which turns out to be [spoiler] more musically sound than scientifically true.

5) Bacon and egg ice cream

Seriously, do you need any more motivation to watch this video? What if I tell you it’s a how-to video hosted by a chef with a British accent? YouTube is free to watch, but I’m not responsible if you blow all your dough on a plane ticket to be closer to this dessert.

6) Ali G and the BLT WTF

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blnduEgwBH0

More Brits, this time making Americans the butt of the joke. At 2:05, Sasha Barron-Cohen poses a question to Pat Buchanan confusing weapons of mass destruction with bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches. Buchanan’s response is pretty amazing.

7) Frying bacon

Had enough of British interlopers, sampled music, and production value? Well here it is, bacon in its most unadulterated form. This is the Yule log of bacon videos: it’s just 5 minutes of bacon frying. Should this be its own cable channel? Can I set this as my screen saver? It’s just like those nature videos with the sound of falling rain, only instead of rain it’s meat. The twist: later, an egg gets fried. The mystery: why does this video have 62,000 views?

8 ) Original Footloose music video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwBbMXYDsXw

For sheer view count, this Kenny Loggins video takes first prize at 5 and a half million and counting. And it’s undeniably a Bacon video: he’s all over the thing!

9) “Good morning, Mr. Breakfast”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffD1RlO87O4

Though the antagonist in the film is named Francis, Pee-wee is a friend of bacon as evidenced in this memorable clip from a classic comedy.

10) Joker crime spree

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tgxIWgJ_DE

And speaking of movies directed by Tim Burton, if you haven’t seen the original Batman film for a while, you might have forgotten the panache Jack Nicholson brought to the role of Joker. Who ever thought we could forget such a thing? Certainly, in this Gotham, a Joker crime spree is a far gentler thing than in “The Dark Knight,” but it turns out nobody’s all bad, and the Joker prevents his gang of hooligans from defacing a portrait of Sir Francis Bacon because he “kinda likes this one.” No wonder he’s the villain we all root for.

In this clip, he calls bacon “the most beautiful thing in the world” and also makes reference to bacon-wrapped water chestnuts, which were featured on Day 2 of Bacon Today’s 12 Days of a Bacon-Wrapped Christmas. 

Check out this clip, and watch for Jim’s new tv special “King Baby” on Comedy Central on March 29th.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaK9bjLy3v4

-- Mike

www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5H1h9yPyNQ

For the record…

Turbaconducken was created by Bacon Today Chief Baconographer Corey James.

Turbaconducken is disgustingly delicious -- get with the times!

And it’s pronounced… Tur-BACON-ducken.

Now go forth and eat bacon!

-- Mr. B

At long last, I finally present to you the first of a sizzling two-part series that explores the frying of bacon in much greater depth. This series was intended to be posted as a video response to the original video. Unfortunately, YouTube user Aunbound set their video to not allow video responses.

Our video does allow responses, though, so get shooting. All you need to do is run down to your local meat cutter, buy a half pound of their tastiest bacon, heat a pan and press record. When you’re done, just post it to YouTube as a response to our video. 

Let’s show the world how much we all love bacon by turning ‘YouTube’ into ‘YouBacon’.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fz0-Kx2oNs

There is no dialogue, no actors, no pretense. Just heat, metal and yes, sweet sweet bacon. Look for a supporting appearance by long-time friend of bacon, the egg. I recommend plugging in your best pair of headphones and cranking the volume up from COOK to SIZZLE. (Sizzle is just past 11 on any respectable bacon lover’s stereo system.)

Let’s step up, bacon community, and see how many response videos we can post to this amazing bit of bacon cinema.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDW11Dei-Ro