But you know what? We don’t care that much for the usual boring turkey. It’s been done too many times. And adding some new seasoning isn’t fooling anyone. We want something new and exciting because we’re all interesting and awesome people. Let the boring folk dig into their typical annual turkey. We want the bacon! We want pork! Bring it on!

We all know about the infamous Turbaconducken. A chicken stuffed in a duck, stuffed in a turkey, and then all wrapped in glorious bacon. (Cleaning the drool off the keyboard… Hukjbklwekvfw… Okay, we’re good now.) That’s three birds all wrapped in a pig! You really have to try this beast! It’s something that will have even the grumpy, judgmental in-laws smiling from ear-to-ear. Kids love it because not only is it delicious, it looks so monstrously cool. As for the vegetarians; well, we feel very sorry for them and can’t help them with their “problem”. But for you awesome carnivores out there, the brilliant minds at Bacon Freak have created some flavored bacon bundles to wrap your birds in some pig! It’s the Turbaconducken Bundles! Each bundle contains delicious flavored bacon so you don’t have to add any seasoning! Hey, less work for you right? There’s the classic peppered bacon bundle for those of you that love that peppered meaty taste. A honey BBQ bacon bundle for those that love the sweet and savory flavor of a down-home BBQ; an apple cinnamon bacon bundle who like their meat sweeter, and a jalapeno bacon bundle for those who like their meat to have a kick! They even have an awesome side dish for you to create: The Ultimate BBQ Bacon Mashed Potatoes. Because garlic mashed potatoes are so last year.

So add some bacon to your holiday! Because like Bacon Freak states, “Bacon makes every meal taste better. It also makes uncomfortable family situations more bearable. (No more wine for you, Aunt Agnes!)”

Amen to that. A-men.

“Back in 2008, my friend sent me a link to a mysterious website called Bacon Today. On the page he sent me was the awe-inspiring Turbaconducken and, as soon as I laid eyes on it, I knew I had to make one for myself.  Thanksgiving and came went while went while I was too busy in class (and too poor) to make such a mythical beast, though I did visit the page and look upon it longingly.

During these visits, I noticed that many people complained that you had not made a true Turbaconducken because it was not really a set of nested birds. In your “The Year in Review” article, you mentioned sites where people had again attempted to make the real deal, but they once more fell short, failing to wrap each bird in bacon. This renewed my vigor and I became determined to make what would be hands-down a 100% authentic Turbaconducken.

Six hours of amateur bird-hacking and 12 hours of baking later, the 19 pound beast was born.  (These) are pictures in which you can see that each bird is wrapped in bacon, with a few strips thrown inside the chicken just for good measure.”

It’s the fabulous Bacon Today turbaconducken!

And it’s coming back this Thanksgiving, only this time it called Turbaconduckensgiving. This year the glorious gorgefest will be held on November 26th, and we want to make it AMAZING, so we’re holding an online gathering, of sorts.

Here’s what we want you to do…

1) Check out the original article on the great Turbaconducken.

2) Get your hands dirty and make your own Turbaconducken for Turbaconduckensgiving, or make one now just for fun.

3) Send us a picture or video of yourself with your Turbaconducken. It can be of you making it, cooking it, eating it – whatever! Try any variation you like and be sure to tell us the whole story.

4) We’ll share all the great Turbaconducken pictures and stories with the whole BT community, and you will officially be part of Turbaconducken history.

– Mr. B

When BT writer Corey James created the Turbaconducken last Thanksgiving he had a feeling that it was going to  strike a chord, but he never anticipated the high value that it would eventually obtain.

Michelle Malkin of TownHall.com recently wrote a story about the much ballyhooed economic stimulus bill that has been floating around congress for the past month or so. Her article discusses the many “pork-filled” earmarks that are attached to the bill and have been the focus of much debate in our government, on the news and online.

Her article, titled “The ‘Tiny’ Trillion-Dollar Turbaconducken You Don’t Care About” contains the following quote:

“If the stimulus plan were a Thanksgiving dinner entree, it would be a Turbaconducken — the heart attack-inducing dish of roasted chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey, all wrapped in endless slabs of bacon.”

Yes, Friends, the glorious Turbaconducken now has a trillion dollar price tag. If you were planning to have one of your own next Thanksgiving, you’d better start saving now. 

– Mr. B

Hello, and Happy Thanksgiving to our extended family of faithful BT readers. For those of you who love bacon in other parts of the world, all you need to know is that American Thanksgiving is a holiday when American families get together and eat far too much turkey, cranberry sauce and candied yams with toasted marshmallows on top in order to show appreciation for these plentiful times, which are different from a time about 500 years ago when there weren’t always enough turkeys and marshmallows to go around. 

By now, all of you American Baconites™ have gorged yourselves on juicy turkey and stuffing and are wallowing around on your couches and living room floors watching TV and holding your annual napping contests. And those of you who were able to gather the energy to actually open the lid of your laptop or, more amazingly, those of you who actually got up and walked over to your computer desk, are now reading this article. 

This is your prize for checking out BT on Thanksgiving night. A special little treat for our truest fans. Yes, I’m going to introduce a new word to you tonight. Several, actually.

As you know, BT is rather fond of inventing words such as Smaste™ and Turbaconducken™ that make no sense and have little practical application to the English language outside of discussions related to bacon. Even so, if we can add a few salty syllables to the lexicon (or better yet, the vernacular!) then we will consider our time to have been well spent. 

The first term we bring you tonight is Baconites™. In short, that’s YOU! A Baconite™ is a fan of bacon, specifically one who reads Bacon Today. It’s first official use on BT was in the second paragraph of this very article. It’s a fun word with a fun meaning. 

The next term is in the title of this article and is your extra special Thanksgiving bonus. ‘Thanksbacon’ was brought into this world by Bill Corbett of the Rifftrax Blog just a few days ago while he was sharing our Turbaconducken™ article with his readers. Thanksbacon is a clever and immediately descriptive term that describes any Thanksgiving meal that includes bacon in any way. When used together with the word ‘happy’ as in “Happy Thanksbacon”, it can take on a more general meaning of general well-wishing for a Thanksgiving that will include bacon for all. 

But wait, there’s more! If you read on you’ll see the entire First Edition Bacon Today Bactionary. Read it, know it, love it.

So Happy Thanksbacon, loyal Baconites™! Be Well, Be Happy, Be Bacon.

– Mike

The Official Bacon Today Bactionary – First Edition

11/27/08

back bacon (noun) - Prepared from brined, center-cut pork loin. (Wikipedia) See also, Irish bacon, Canadian bacon.

baclical (adj.) - When conversations or occurrences seem to revolve around bacon, they are baclical. Think cyclical, but with bacon.

bacompose (verb) – To write songs, music or parodies about bacon.

Bacomposer (noun) – One who writes songs, music or parodies about bacon or inspired by bacon. Jenny Winalski and Kristen Wall are wonderful Bacomposers who write musical parodies about bacon. Also -ed, -ing.

bacon (noun) - Delicious. Sweet. Written about daily on BaconToday.com.

bacon jerky (noun) - Dehydrated & treated bacon requiring no refrigeration. Take it with you on the road.

bacon test (bacon TEST) (noun) – A test to determine how much one likes bacon. Do you love bacon? Yes? Good. No? Ask again.

Baconista (noun) - One who both prepares and serves you bacon.

Baconite (noun) - A devoted fan of bacon, specifically one who reads BaconToday.com, a website that features daily updates on the world of sweet, sweet bacon.

Baconographer (noun) - One who writes about bacon and bacon related events.

bacontest (baCONtest) (noun) – A contest that involves or rewards contestants with bacon or bacon-related products.

Bacontrepeneur (noun) - A person who starts a business based on the preparation, distribution, sale or propagation of bacon and bacon-related products and other content. Justin & Dave, the Bacon Salt guys, are prime examples of bacontrepreneurs.

bacony (adj) – Of or relating to bacon.

bactastic (adj) – Amazingly wonderful, utterly fantastic bacon foods or experiences with bacon.

bactionary (noun) - The original dictionary of bacon from BaconToday.com.

Bactober (noun) - The 13th month of the year that should be recognized. (By the United Nations, if possible.)

bakini (noun) - Women’s swimwear made entirely of bacon.

belly bacon (noun) - Marbled, streaky or “American” bacon, which is made from the meat of a pig’s belly. See also: bacon.

Canadian bacon (noun) - See ‘back bacon’.

Enbaclopedia (noun) – A website of collection of books with articles that explore all aspects of all things bacon.

Irish bacon (noun) - See ‘back bacon’.

pre-bacon (noun) - A pig in its living & breathing state. If it will one day be bacon, then it’s pre-bacon today.

Smaste^TM (noun) - A proprietary Bacon Today rating system that represents a combination of smell and taste. This rating system is as arbitrary as it is inaccurate. The scale has a theoretical maximum of, oh, let’s call it 47. Bacon itself only factors in at a maximum Smaste^TM rating of 36.2174 when cooked to perfection. Smaste^TM is determined by the following made up formula, painstakingly developed by Mike Kirsch of Bacon Today: (([smell factor]+[taste factor])*uniqueness)/([strange factor]+[gross quotient])

Smastiness^TM (noun) – The quality of Smaste^TM contained in a food.

Smasteulator^TM (noun) – A device that calculates the Smaste^TM rating of a food.

Smastey^TM (adj) – Used to describe the amount of Smaste^TM contained in a food. Those bacon cinnamon rolls were very Smastey^TM. Those bacon lemon bars were not very Smastey^TM at all.

Thanksbacon (noun) – In America, Thanksbacon occurs any time bacon is made available or consumed during any meal eaten on the fourth Thursday of November. To wish someone “Happy Thanksbacon” is to impart a general sense of well-wishing that they may encounter bacon during Thanksgiving. Term first used by Bill Corbett of the Rifftrax Blog on November 24^th, 2008.

Turbaconducken (noun) – A chicken wrapped in bacon stuffed in a duck wrapped in bacon stuffed in a turkey wrapped in bacon. First prepared by Corey James of Bacon Today.

turkey bacon (noun) - Turkey that’s cut, seasoned and prepared in such as way as to pretend to be bacon, but is not actually bacon.

photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/schramroyal/2285345946/