It’s a combination of smell and taste.

It’s a rating system that’s as arbitrary as it is inaccurate.

It’s Smaste™!

The first time we mentioned Smaste™ was just a few days ago when we made it up in the In-N-Out Has No Bacon post. With the advent of modern technology, Bacon Today is proud to announce the offical introduction of the Smaste™ Rating Index (SRI) and the Smasteulator™, which is a calibrated Smaste™ calculator that is implanted in the smell and taste portions of each Bacon Today staff writer’s brain. (Don’t worry, anyone with a true love of bacon will eventually be able to develop their own sense of Smaste™.)

The true genius behind the SRI is proprietary, so I’m not at liberty to give you all the details. What I can tell you is that the basic mathematical formula looks something like this…

(([smell factor]+[taste factor])*uniqueness)/([strange factor]+[gross quotient]) = Smasteulator™ Rating

Determining all of those factors and quotients is part of the secret Smaste™ process, so leave it to us for the time being.

All you need to know is that the maximum theoretical value for the Smastiness™ of a food or beverage is… oh… let’s call it 47. For point of reference, bacon itself only factors in at a Smasteulator™ Rating of 36.2174 when cooked to perfection. Achieving the theoretical maximum requires a special combination of flavors and textures as well as the right attitude and a bit of luck for good measure. (Timing is everything.)

Get out there and start experimenting. If you find a menu item somewhere be sure to tell us where the restaurant is so that we can go assign the meal a Smasteulator™ rating. If you whip up a new creation in your own kitchen that you think deserves a rating, send us the recipe so we can try it for ourselves.

Bacon Today is committed to the worldwide establishment of the Smaste™ Rating Index. As always, your comments and input are welcome, and in the case of the SRI, they are crucial to the process.