Kristen and Jenny, our fabulous bacon song parody writers, have  come out of a long bacon break with a brand new parody -- this time of the holiday classic “Winter Wonderland”.

Plus, as an added bonus, BT has uneartherd the best-ever version of the song.

Happy Holidays, Everyone, from all of us at Bacon Today.

-- Mr. B

******

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlxiMSQbozk

The bacon pops, are you listening,

In the pan, pork is sizzling.

A Christmas delight ,

We’re happy tonight.

Walking in a Meaty Baconland.

Cook away till it’s real browned

Heres to all a slice of bacon

It tastes very good

just like it should,

Walking in a Meaty Baconland.

In the kitchen we will cook some breakfast, You will prepare the entire pound.

He’ll say: Are you hungry

We’ll say: “Hell yeah,”

But if you cook it

Don’t eat the whole pound.

The bacon pops, are you listening,

In the pan, pork is sizzling.

We’ll eat it galore

And then we’ll make more

Walking in a Meaty Baconland.

Cook away till it’s real browned

Heres to all a slice of bacon.

Buy the best grade,

The pork is home made,

Walking in a Meaty Baconland..

In the kitchen we will cook the bacon,

I prefer when it is slightly browned.

We’ll have lots of fun with bacon makin’, Until the other kiddies chomp it down.

When it heats, ain’t it thrilling,

Though your nose might start drippin’

We’ll fry-it all day, like Bacon Today

Walking in a Meaty Baconland.

You may remember a couple days ago we release the awesome Eminem bacon song parody from our resident bacon song pariodists Kristen & Jen. Well, today we bring you the lyrics so you can sing along as you listen to the MP3. Enjoy!

[Intro]
Two trailer park pigs are ’bout to get fried;
’bout to get fried, ’bout to get fried

Two trailer park pigs are ’bout to get fried;
’bout to get fried, ’bout to get fried

Guess who’s back
Back again
Jen is back
Tell a friend
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back
guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back..

I’ve created the flavor, cause nobody wants to eat chicken no more
They want pork, not chopped liver (huh?)
Well if you want pork, this is what I’ll give ya
A little bit of smoked mixed with some maple sugar
Some grease that’ll jump start my heart quicker
than the shock I get finding out from you that
the doctor just told you,
you’re coming down with Swine flu

You waited this long, to cook the bacon
now I’m back, I got a stack and I’m salavatin’
I know that you got a job Miss Piggy
but your feet and ears are so tast-y
So the P E T A don’t like bacon today
or let me eat meat, so let me see
They try to shut me down on Food TV
But it feels so healthy, without me
So, come on and flip, the pork sticks to your hips
want that taste on your lips, mix up some with the grits
And get ready, cause this meat’s about to get greasy
I just fried another batch now, get your plates ready!

Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just fry me
Cause we need to get a little, greasy
Cause it feels so healthy, without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just fry with me
Cause we need to get a little, greasy
Cause it feels so healthy, without me

Pork Medallions, I’m feelin the talent
the fatness of creation is fabulous
I start feelin like I’m needin a snack soon
’til someone comes along in the kitchen and yells FLU!!!!
A visionary, vision of scary
Could start a pandemic, pollutin the airwaves
A rebel, so just let me revel and bask
in the fact that I got everyone eatin my stash
And it’s a disaster, such a catastrophe
for you to see so damn much of this flu crap, it’s just a shame
Cause I’m back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Love your piggies, kiss their snouts they’re not the the ones to blame
enter in, into the kitchen like a winner
The center of  attention, back for your dinner
I’m just creating, the best thing since bacon dressing
Infesting in your pig’s ears and nesting
{*bzzt* Testing, attention please
Feel the excitment, soon as someone mentions meat
Here’s my pork rinds, my ham and my links
A pork chop and some ears? You didn’t want the feet?

[Chorus]

A-tisket a-tasket, I got a few pounds in my basket
anybody who’s talkin this fat, that’s fat
Miss save the pigs , you can get your ass kicked
worse than those little go greener bastards
Do you know me? You don’t even know my homies
you have no idea what you’re missing out on honey
But that’s ok, you don’t know do you,
It’s over, nobody eat’s your tofu!
Now let’s go, just gimme the signal
I’ll be there with a whole pound hearin’ the sizzle
I been there, coming up with the hot rhymes
ever since Kris turned herself into a bacon rind
But sometimes it  just seems
everybody only wants to bash the meat
So this must mean the bacon’s got grease
But it’s just me, I’m just obese
No I’m not the first queen of bacon parodies
I am the best thing since K-winaslski
to do bacon music so selfishly
and used it to get myself wealthy
(Hey!!) There’s a concept that works
Twenty million other meat rappers emerged
But no matter how many pigs in the sea
It’ll be so healthy, without me

-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Every so often we get an email devoid of detail but containing something so fantastic we just have to share. Today was one of those days.

Kristen & Jenny are at it again with their song parodies. This time, however, things are different. Not only is this parody lyrically great, but it’s also well produced and just plain awesome. We don’t have any other details than that it’s a parody of a popular Eminem song.

So with that in mind, follow these simple instructions…

Download the MP3 now.
Load it on your iPod.
Smile.
Repeat.

CDs… LPs… Cassettes… 8-Tracks… You name it.

In fact, I just saw Billy perform at the Pond with Elton John last Saturday night and I had AWESOME seats! (Thanks, Kim!) Here’s a shot I took from the rail in front of the stage.

Front row, baby!

So when Kristen sent me this parody, I just had to put it up right away. Thanks for another great one, Kristen and Jenny!

*****

“Your Own Fork”, a parody of Billy Joel’s “My Life”

Got a pound from an old friend
We used to be real fat
Said he couldn’t go on with out bacon all day
Bought the shop, sold the house
Bought the bacon from the West Coast
Now he sells them crispy bacon in L.A.

I don’t need you to worry for me cause it’s my heart
I don’t want you to tell me I have high cholesterol
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my pork
Go ahead with your own fork, and leave mine alone

I never said you had to offer me a second plate
(I never said you had to)
I never said I was a victim of heart attack
(I never said)
I’m still a dork, get off my pork
And you can eat your rind
But not off my swine

They will tell you, you can’t fry alone in a deep grease
Then they’ll tell you, you can’t fry with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you fry in your own space
Either way it’s okay, you to fry up by yourself

I don’t need you to worry for me cause it’s my heart
I don’t want you to tell me I have high cholesterol
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my pork
Go ahead with your own fork, and leave mine alone

I never said you had to offer me a second slice
(I never said you had to)
I never said I was a victim of heart attack
(Of cirumstance)
I’m still a dork, get off my pork
And you can eat your rind
But not off my swine

I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my pork
Go ahead with your own fork, and leave mine alone

(Keep it to yourself, it’s my pork.)
(Keep it to yourself, it’s my pork.)
(Keep it to yourself, it’s my pork.)
(Keep it to yourself, it’s my pork.)

– Mike

Today we’re adding a new feature -- play the video and sing along at home!

-- Mike

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvHKjDKY_O8

Hey, uh huh huh
Hey, uh huh huh

What I like about pork, makes my pants feel tight
Tell me I’m the hungry one, makes me wanna eat all night, yeah

You’re sizzling in my ear
It’s gettin’ hot and bacony up in here, ‘give me a fork
That’s what I like about pork
What I like about pork, It really knows how to dance
when the bacon pops up, down, jump around, I think I spilled grease on my pants, yeah

You’re sizzling in my ear
pile all those chops on the plate over here, give me a fork!
That’s what I like about pork

That’s what I like about pork
That’s what I like about pork
Wahh!

Hey!

What I like about pork, the piggies keep me warm at night
Never wanna’ let them go, I love how they squeal all night, yeah

You’re sizzling in my ear
It’s gettin’ really greasy up in here, my sweet pork
That’s what I like about pork

That’s what I like about pork

That’s what I like about pork
That’s what I like about pork (whispered)
That’s what I like about pork (whispered)
That’s what I like about pork (whispered)
That’s what I like about pork (whispered)

Hey, uh huh huh, hey hey hey
Hey, uh huh huh, brrr
Hey, uh huh huh, hey

Our apologies in advance to Bette Midler and crew.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
It must have been cold there in your kitchen
To never have bacon in your place
You were so kind to let me fry, that’s so cool.
You always said I had a big behind.

So I was the one with all the bacon,
While you were the one with all the sausage.
A beautiful apron without a stain for so long.
A cast iron pan to heat the grease

Did you ever know that I love bacon
It’s the only food I like to eat ?
For It can be sweet and salty,
’cause you are the meat that makes me sing.

Bursting with slippery gristly goodness,
Now I am going to eat it a la carte .
I want you to sniff and smell it, smells so good.
See I adore the bacon like you should.

Did you ever know that I love bacon?
It’s the only food I like to eat.
For it can be sweet and salty,
’cause you are the meat that makes me sing.

Did you ever know that I love bacon?
It’s the only food I like to eat.
For It can be sweet and salty,
’cause you are the meat that makes me sing.
’cause you are the meat that makes me sing.

Oh, the meat that makes me sing.
You, you, you, you are the meat that makes me sing
Fry, Fry, Fry, away. You let me fry on high.
Oh, you, you, you, meat that makes me sing.
Oh, you, you, you, the meat that makes me sing.

Fry fry fry high and eat some pie,
So high I almost I ate the whole pie.
Thank you, thank you,
Thank God for Pork, the meat that makes me sing.

– Mike

I promised you more song parodies, and that time has finally come. Bacon fans and avid BT readers Kristen Winalski and Jenny Wall have come through with another Salt-N-Pepa winner. This time set to the tune of their 1993 smash hit “Whatta Man”. There’s really not much I can say here. I think the lyrics speak for themselves. Go fry up a big pan of bacon while you sing along…

– Mr. B

Yeah, yeah (Oooo)
Uh, hey hey
All right, yeah
Oooo

[CHORUS]
Grab a pan, grab a pan, grab a pan
grab a mighty big pan
grab a pan, grab a pan, grab a pan
grab a mighty big pan
grab a pan, grab a pan, grab a pan
grab a mighty big pan
grab a pan, grab a pan, grab a pan
grab a mighty big pan

I wanna take a minute or two, and give much respect due
To the meat that’s made a difference in my world
And although most people know that the grease doesn’t flow on the down low
Cuz I’ll never be ashamed about it I’ll fry it proud on the grill.
And I don’t sweat it because it’s just pathetic
To let it get me involved in that eat this meat/you should eat this meat crowd
I know that ain’t nobody perfect, I give props to those baconistas who deserve it
And believe me y’all, this meat is worth it
So here’s to the bacon cuz it got us all fat
I finally found something crispy that can make me laugh
(Ha ha ha) all you vegans…don’t be hatin’
I think I wanna fry more bacon

[CHORUS]

My pan is smooth like buttah, and it’s got a heavy bass
A cast iron skillet gives it a real good taste
It cooks the bacon real crisp to perfection
And when my friends comes by they got a nice selection
I always have a pound for them everytime I see them
A lot of maple bacon, hickory smoked , I gotta feed ‘em

I never had a complaint run by me once yet

So I cook them stuff that they’ll never forget
I keep them me on Cloud Nine feed ‘em like royalty
let them soak up the grease wash it down with maple tea
They eat up so much pork, they bustin’ out of their jeans
I throw on another pound while I take out their seams

Yes, my pan really loves me, always gets nice and hot
fryin’ so good and never burns even when it gets too hot
See other pans that you have, they always burn up and stick
and every time you fried with it I said, “That’s not it”
But not this pan, I use the right potion
Bacon grease I use, I rub it down and make it smooth like lotion
Yeah, the ritual, highway to pork heaven
From seven to seven I’m always open like Seven Eleven
And yes, it’s me that everyone’s always choosin’
With me you’re never losin’, cause I keep the weight always comin’ on..I’ll even let ya take it to go, eat it while ya cruisin’

I always get prime cuts from my butcher all the time

Which means a lot to me cuz good butchers are hard to find

[CHORUS]

I’m the first lady of bacon, see this look on my face?
I’m not a spam-ma’am-thank-you-ma’am, I got real taste
I take my time and do everything right
I’ll knock you out with one shot for the rest of the night
and K’s my side-kick fryer, never in a rush
And she real gourmet shows off her skillz, gives it just the right touch
Spends quality time in the kitchen when she can
Secure in her baconess, yes she’s a real fan
A lover and a fighter and she’ll knock a vegan out
Don’t take her for a sucker cuz that’s not what she’s about
Every time I need her, she always got my back
Never buys generic bacon cuz her mama taught her that

[CHORUS]

photo credit:http://img.timeinc.net/time/daily/special/photo/hiphop/5.jpg

For those of you who are musically inclined, I offer this challenge – record the lyrics and send us a full version of the song. We’ll post it here for everyone to enjoy.

And now, Bacon Today is proud to present “Shoop (Eat Da Meat)”