Happy Thanksbacon! (And The First Edition Bactionary)

***Special BT Thanksgiving Late Edition Article***

Hello, and Happy Thanksgiving to our extended family of faithful BT readers. For those of you who love bacon in other parts of the world, all you need to know is that American Thanksgiving is a holiday when American families get together and eat far too much turkey, cranberry sauce and candied yams with toasted marshmallows on top in order to show appreciation for these plentiful times, which are different from a time about 500 years ago when there weren’t always enough turkeys and marshmallows to go around. 

By now, all of you American Baconites™ have gorged yourselves on juicy turkey and stuffing and are wallowing around on your couches and living room floors watching TV and holding your annual napping contests. And those of you who were able to gather the energy to actually open the lid of your laptop or, more amazingly, those of you who actually got up and walked over to your computer desk, are now reading this article. 

This is your prize for checking out BT on Thanksgiving night. A special little treat for our truest fans. Yes, I’m going to introduce a new word to you tonight. Several, actually.

As you know, BT is rather fond of inventing words such as Smaste™ and Turbaconducken™ that make no sense and have little practical application to the English language outside of discussions related to bacon. Even so, if we can add a few salty syllables to the lexicon (or better yet, the vernacular!) then we will consider our time to have been well spent. 

The first term we bring you tonight is Baconites™. In short, that’s YOU! A Baconite™ is a fan of bacon, specifically one who reads Bacon Today. It’s first official use on BT was in the second paragraph of this very article. It’s a fun word with a fun meaning. 

The next term is in the title of this article and is your extra special Thanksgiving bonus. ‘Thanksbacon’ was brought into this world by Bill Corbett of the Rifftrax Blog just a few days ago while he was sharing our Turbaconducken™ article with his readers. Thanksbacon is a clever and immediately descriptive term that describes any Thanksgiving meal that includes bacon in any way. When used together with the word ‘happy’ as in “Happy Thanksbacon”, it can take on a more general meaning of general well-wishing for a Thanksgiving that will include bacon for all. 

But wait, there’s more! If you read on you’ll see the entire First Edition Bacon Today Bactionary. Read it, know it, love it.

So Happy Thanksbacon, loyal Baconites™! Be Well, Be Happy, Be Bacon.

— Mike


The Official Bacon Today Bactionary – First Edition


back bacon (noun) – Prepared from brined, center-cut pork loin. (Wikipedia) See also, Irish bacon, Canadian bacon.

baclical (adj.) – When conversations or occurrences seem to revolve around bacon, they are baclical. Think cyclical, but with bacon.

bacompose (verb) – To write songs, music or parodies about bacon.

Bacomposer (noun) – One who writes songs, music or parodies about bacon or inspired by bacon. Jenny Winalski and Kristen Wall are wonderful Bacomposers who write musical parodies about bacon. Also -ed, -ing.

bacon (noun) – Delicious. Sweet. Written about daily on BaconToday.com.

bacon jerky (noun) – Dehydrated & treated bacon requiring no refrigeration. Take it with you on the road.

bacon test (bacon TEST) (noun) – A test to determine how much one likes bacon. Do you love bacon? Yes? Good. No? Ask again.

Baconista (noun) – One who both prepares and serves you bacon.

Baconite (noun) – A devoted fan of bacon, specifically one who reads BaconToday.com, a website that features daily updates on the world of sweet, sweet bacon.

Baconographer (noun) – One who writes about bacon and bacon related events.

bacontest (baCONtest) (noun)A contest that involves or rewards contestants with bacon or bacon-related products.

Bacontrepeneur (noun) – A person who starts a business based on the preparation, distribution, sale or propagation of bacon and bacon-related products and other content. Justin & Dave, the Bacon Salt guys, are prime examples of bacontrepreneurs.

bacony (adj) – Of or relating to bacon.

bactastic (adj) – Amazingly wonderful, utterly fantastic bacon foods or experiences with bacon.

bactionary (noun) – The original dictionary of bacon from BaconToday.com.

Bactober (noun) – The 13th month of the year that should be recognized. (By the United Nations, if possible.)

bakini (noun) – Women’s swimwear made entirely of bacon.

belly bacon (noun) – Marbled, streaky or “American” bacon, which is made from the meat of a pig’s belly. See also: bacon.

Canadian bacon (noun) – See ‘back bacon’.

Enbaclopedia (noun) – A website of collection of books with articles that explore all aspects of all things bacon.

Irish bacon (noun) – See ‘back bacon’.

pre-bacon (noun) – A pig in its living & breathing state. If it will one day be bacon, then it’s pre-bacon today.

SmasteTM (noun) – A proprietary Bacon Today rating system that represents a combination of smell and taste. This rating system is as arbitrary as it is inaccurate. The scale has a theoretical maximum of, oh, let’s call it 47. Bacon itself only factors in at a maximum SmasteTM rating of 36.2174 when cooked to perfection. SmasteTM is determined by the following made up formula, painstakingly developed by Mike Kirsch of Bacon Today: (([smell factor]+[taste factor])*uniqueness)/([strange factor]+[gross quotient])

SmastinessTM (noun) – The quality of SmasteTM contained in a food.

SmasteulatorTM (noun) – A device that calculates the SmasteTM rating of a food.

SmasteyTM (adj) – Used to describe the amount of SmasteTM contained in a food. Those bacon cinnamon rolls were very SmasteyTM. Those bacon lemon bars were not very SmasteyTM at all.

Thanksbacon (noun) – In America, Thanksbacon occurs any time bacon is made available or consumed during any meal eaten on the fourth Thursday of November. To wish someone “Happy Thanksbacon” is to impart a general sense of well-wishing that they may encounter bacon during Thanksgiving. Term first used by Bill Corbett of the Rifftrax Blog on November 24th, 2008.

Turbaconducken (noun) – A chicken wrapped in bacon stuffed in a duck wrapped in bacon stuffed in a turkey wrapped in bacon. First prepared by Corey James of Bacon Today.

turkey bacon (noun) – Turkey that’s cut, seasoned and prepared in such as way as to pretend to be bacon, but is not actually bacon.



photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/schramroyal/2285345946/

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