Day 6 of “The 12 Days of a Bacon-Wrapped Christmas“ brings us a bacon-wrapped Tofurkey.

We noticed on our Turbaconducken article that many vegans & vegetarians seem to be reading Bacon Today, so we decided that the 6th day of Christmas should be dedicated to them.

We started with some “Smart Bacon” — a vegetarian bacon-like product.

Then we opened up the Tofurkey and placed the big hunk of stuffing-filled tofu in a shallow baking dish.

To add a bit of flair, we placed some mushrooms and onions in the pan along with crumbled “Smart Bacon”. We then covered the Tofurkey with the “Smart Bacon” and got ready to bake.

The directions for the Tofurkey call for baking over 3 hours.

Turns out the Tofurkey produces no moisture (I know I know…silly carnivore — thinking all meat-like substances behave like meat). The mushrooms and onions were completely dehydrated and inedible after baking. In addition, the Smart Bacon on top of the Tofurkey obtained the texture and consistancy of cardboard — I’m talking rock solid.

When sliced, the Tofurkey looked pretty good. I was pleased to see wild rice within the stuffing. On first bite, I have to say I questioned why I was doing this at all. The pleasent taste of the wild rice could not bring enough goodness to this meal for me to try a second bite. The texture of the tofu was spongy and dry, the stuffing was a combination of odd flavors and the Smart Bacon — completely inedible. We should have known after the review of similar bacon substitute on the “Eat me Daily” blog, but we had to try for ourselves. Seriously, the Smart Bacon was one of the single worst tastes I have ever experienced in my life.

I give the Tofurkey a Smaste™ rating of 12.32, but with the Smart Bacon there is no rating on the Smaste™ scale that can be issued. Just terrible. Vegetarians, I don’t know how you do it!

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