It’s not everyday that you can wash yourself in the morning with your breakfast. Wait, what? Yeah, you read that correctly. Grab a slice of buttered toast and lather up! Just kidding. Although we’ve heard that butter has some great moisturizing qualities.
From the wacky to the delicious, bacon thrusts itself upon hygienic products, desserts, and even goes beyond the early morning breakfast routine. Bacon can give you a boost of caffeine! Whoa. Our minds are blown.
Who knew bacon could be more than the few strips of delicious pork candy hanging out on your plate and inducing salivation in your mouth? For starters, we did. Which is why we bring you, (in no particular order), the “12 Crazy and Popular Bacon Themed Products”. You ready for the bacon circus? Let’s begin:
1. Bacon Gumballs
Mmm… Who doesn’t like chewy balls in their mouth? Chewy balls of BACON! That’s right! You can chew and chew on tasty bacon for as long as these little balls retain that porky flavor. Awesome? You decide.
2. Bacon Soap
Here’s where the hygiene part comes into play. Lather up with the scent of bacon! Ladies and gents, if your significant other is a Bacon Freak, use this soap to get them in the mood with your intoxicating bacony scent. Then you two can get bacon freaky. But please, don’t take pictures.
3. Bacon Toothpicks
Done eating a juicy steak? Got something stuck in your teeth? Use the power of bacon to get your teeth clean! We know it sounds a little counterproductive, but don’t ask questions! Not when it comes to bacon! Just revel in the moment of tasty and dental hygienic bliss.
4. Bacon Soda
Ooh- drink up the carbonated bacon! Uh… what? Now we’re really confused. Bacon in liquid form that’s carbonated? How was this made? Did some rats in a laboratory grow two heads while this soda was being tested? Because if they did… we’re all for it! Maybe we’ll develop some crazy sixth sense if we drink enough… Or suddenly blow up in a big carbonated, bacony POP! Either way, think about it: Bacon Soda. Intrigued? Of course!
5. Chocolate Covered Bacon
There IS a God! The deliciously euphoric flavor of salty and savory bacon mixed with the velvety, sweet and seductive flavor of chocolate? Uh… Hang on… Just a moment… Ok, we’re back. Wow. That’s all we can say on this one. Wow. You need to try this.
6. Bacon Toothpaste
If you were scratching your head in confusion on the Bacon Toothpicks, you’re probably completely flabbergasted on this one. But calm down! You know you won’t be literally rubbing bacon onto your teeth to rid them of plaque. We’ve come a long way in the wonderfully wide world of wacky chemicals. It’s SCIENCE! Science, folks! And this scientific creation is downright tasty. For those of you that think science is boring; you obviously have never tried Bacon Toothpaste. Talk about advancing!
7. Bacon Frosting
Forget that whipped kind, or the buttercream; or even the ever-so popular cream cheese version of frosting. You want to have the tastiest cupcakes at the Bake sale? Go with Bacon Frosting. Wear your apron and a smile as you watch people’s faces show their different reactions to the meaty and sugary puff sitting atop your freshly made cakes. WOW everyone at your friend’s birthday party. Who doesn’t like a little pork in their pastry?
8. Bacon Cupcakes
If the Bacon Frosting wasn’t bacony enough for you, how about having the whole entire cake? A delicious, bacon-filled cake with some maple-bacon or caramel-bacon frosting decorating the top in a tantalizing swirl that says, “Lick me”. It sounds amazing doesn’t it? We think the fact that Bacon Cupcakes exist is a miracle placed here upon earth. But hey, cupcakes may not be your thing. Weirdo.
9. Bacon Lollipops
It’s bacon in candy form that you can suck on throughout the day. Or if you’re a super sucker: within a time frame of 10 minutes or less. Yeah, we just said super sucker. Anyway, these lollies combine the delicious flavor of bacon and that smooth syrupy flavor of maple. The best part? Little bits of bacon inside to greet and surprise your anxiously probing tongue.
10. Bacon Balm
Rubbing bacon on your lips doesn’t always work to keep those puckers moist for a lengthy period of time. And you’re probably sitting there wondering why we would even suggest you use bacon to cure chapped lips. We say, “Why not?” With this Bacon Flavored Lip Balm you can savor the flavor of bacon and keep your lips kissably soft. Just don’t try eating the balm or your lips. Neither are edible, you dolt.
11. Maple Bacon Salt Water Taffy
Wonka’s pretty good with chocolate and the everlasting gobstopper. But Maple Bacon Salt Water Taffy? That purple-coated flute player doesn’t have anything on these candies. Now, if he was willing to trade that elevator of his for this recipe… Then we may have a deal. But only if he throws in the factory too. C’mon it’s bacon. Bacon is way better than that soda that makes you float up to spinning blades of death… You know it is.
12. Maple Bacon Coffee
Now, here’s where we have that caffeinated bacon. It’s coffee that tastes like maple bacon! It’s like having your breakfast and early morning cup of Joe all at the same time. The only thing that would make this whole situation better is if you could eat a plate of bacon that had caffeine injected into it. Hold on! We just came up with a genius idea! Any takers?
Ok, the bacon circus is now over. We know you’re sad. But the good news is, Prozac is legal. And you can purchase these wacky and delicious items if you’re so inclined. And let’s face it. You’re as inclined as a 90 degree angle. Enjoy, bacon freaks!